Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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