it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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