he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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