the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize