Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize