omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
