awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
