Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
