The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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