so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
