I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
