You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
