I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
