We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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