I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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