We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
