i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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