Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
