What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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