He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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