Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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