btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
