Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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