he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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