On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
