I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
