well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
