and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
