Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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