Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
