Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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