I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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