are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
