I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
not ubering you a puppy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize