Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
