lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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