just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
