at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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