Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
whose parrot is this?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize