If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
