New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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