they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My pussy is not your playground.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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