So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
