Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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