I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
