I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
