people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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