My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
