I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
