I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
