yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
