just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
