Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
