if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
