before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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