we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
