FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
