I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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