Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize