the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
either way he was missing a nipple.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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