can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
