I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And then he peed in my hair
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