I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
