am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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