Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
