Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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