He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
