Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize