i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
