Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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