i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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