Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
