90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
