i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
