Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
