You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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