"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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